New York Trip

I was so excited for this trip! Have been counting down ever since I booked the tickets online. This was really the best weekend ever. The main reason for my trip was actually the SMTOWN NYC CONCERT on Sunday where I got to see KYUHYUN!!!:D I know it really sounds crazy, but I know my limits and priorities – don’t watch hours of his videos or suju videos much anymore because I have more important things to do/settle. But these kinds of things, are things that I really wanna do. Instead of living life the normal way, I really wanted to do something crazy an unbelievable for once – and I enjoyed it sooo much, I’m totally prepped up for another round of school, battling exams, homeworks, CCA commitments etc. Okay, without further ado, I shall begin mentioning my AMAZING (but short) JOURNEY to NEW YORK!

Day 0, Friday 21st October 2011
Flight: Delta Airlines
Flight time: 6.25pm
Stopover: Salt Lake City
Destination: JFK NEW YORK!
Destination time: 6 am Saturday
Nothing much to say here, but basically one of the worst flights ever. I couldn’t sleep at all throughout the entire journey and there was a baby diagonally behind me who could probably win the greatest screamer/cry-er award. OMG her wail was louder than a siren!>< Talked to buddy during the first half of the journey and tried to sleep through the 2nd half of the journey. Throughout the flight, I just kept thinking how unbelievable it was to actually be going on this trip! Berkeley-New York- Berkeley in 2 DAYS. WOW:D and seeing KYU sing live?:D DABOMB.

Day 1, Saturday 22nd October 2011

Today had a lot of travelling. It was SO tiring, especially cos both of us didn’t sleep at all the day before and we had a crazy week before this. We reached YMCA Harlem at around 8 plus but the room wasn’t ready yet so we went to shower in their gym showers. The whole neighborhood (135th street) was actually black-dominated, I never knew that! But the receptionist was really friendly and helped us find directions and all. However, buddy was confident that she got the directions right so I just followed her and switched off my brain (good to do it for once, it was so relaxing). I should add that my buddy was such camwhore, I think I never camwhored so much in my life than these 2 days:P Haha but what she said was quite right, we only live once – so we should treasure every moment and record the memories in terms of pictures.

After we bathed, we talked about things to do/see and then went to Peter Luger’s Steakhouse for lunch. OH! We booked Mary Poppins broadway musical for tonight!:) Anyway, back to peter luger’s, it was in Brooklyn, which was pretty out of the way from Manhattan. Gosh, we took about 1.75 hours and 3 changes of train trying to figure our way there. But the food was totally WORTH IT. Like my friend said, it was totally “orgasmic!” We ordered a strip of bacon, steak for 1, cream spinach and german fried potatoes, which were what they were famous for. The strip of bacon was the best bacon I have ever eaten in my entire life, it was big and thick, something like 烧肉. The cream spinach practically melted in my mouth – loved it! The german potatoes were fried with onions which really brought out the flavor of it. And the steak – omg the steak. It was so soft and tender, I really wondered where they got their beef from. SO GOOD. We paid a total of $85 including tips but it was worth every dollar. I could eat that spinach any day. We were so worried that we would gain so much weight this two days because of all the good food that we ate. They gave us some chocolate coins with their name as a souvenir, it reminded me so much of chinese new year (I remember I used to love the chocolate coins when I was in primary school!). We started playing with it and taking pictures. Could I add that the waiters and manager were so funny? They insisted on taking a picture with us when we wanted to take a picture in their restaurant.

After lunch, my buddy and I travelled back to Manhattan to do some shopping. By the time we reached, it was already around 2 or 2 plus so we didn’t do much shopping. But I really loved Broadway, it was so bustling and touristy – that I felt that I was on a REAL legit holiday. I spent quite a bit of time in Sephora looking at the make-up, they have sooo many choices! Then we checked out the M&M’s and Hershey’s giant stores. After that we went to this yoghurt store where shuning bought a vanilla shake. After which, we starting heading off to Ippudo (really famous ramen place that my brother recommended, I know, food again right? Yeah that’s why we were so worried about getting fat). Even when we arrived at 5, there was already a long line outside the restaurant. We were told that we had to wait for 1 hour to 1.5 hours! But it was totally worth the wait. Even though I was really bored while waiting and about to fall asleep, the food was SO AMAZING. Best ramen I have ever tasted! I forgot what was the name of the one I ordered but it was spicy and they added minced ginger in it, which enhanced the flavor of the spicy broth. I tried my buddy’s ramen and it was really good too.

It was so nice how the timing was so right, we finished at about 7.15 and quickly made our way to broadway just in time for the show which started at 8pm. I must say, Mary Poppins was really nice, the singers had opera-like vocals and they even had the gimmick of people walking up a wall and upside down on the ceiling, balanced by wires. At the end, Mary Poppins even flew up above the audience and she received a roaring applause for that. HOWEVER, I really regret dozing off during some parts of the show. It was so bad! i was really in fatigue and tried really hard to keep my eyes open but the dark environment was so sleep-inducing!>< It was quite embarrassing cos the guy and his mother on my left were really excited about the show and I think they caught me dozing off a couple of times during the showO.o

When the show ended at about 10 something, we didn’t really wanna go back and we wanted to try shake shack because we would not have the opportunity to do so the next day. Shake shack is like in-and-out but more amazing than it. The burger is like 10 times nicer than Macdonalds, the bread was so soft and nice!!!=D I had a caramel shake and fries on top of that. I felt so sinful today! So much food. I’m making a conviction to eat vegetables and no carbs when I go back to Berkeley.

We went back to YMCA at about 1 and washed up. I have never lived in a dorm before but it was quite good albeit a bit cramped (although I don’t think I can take living there for more than 2 days.

Day 2, Sunday 23 October 2011

TODAY. TODAY IS THE DAY I GET TO HEAR KYU SING LIVE! YIPEE:D
We wanted to wake up at 930 so that we can do more stuff but we were so tired that we slept till 11. We quickly showered and went to IHOP (International House of Pancakes) for brunch. We ordered a mushroom and spinach omelette and blueberry pancakes – it was much lousier than I expected but I was really hungry so that was good enough for me:P After that, it was already around 1 plus pm. We made our way to the lower part of Manhatten where the World Trade Center was. There was nothing much to see except construction because the memorial site would only open in 2012. We walked down to Wall Street after that. We stopped by this really pretty bakery shop called financier (not a surprise what name this shop would get since we’re in the financial district-.-). I bought a hazelnut macaroon – it tasted like Ferrero rocher but just much nicer, I really liked it!:) Saw the bull at wall street, took a couple of pictures of me holding the bull by its horns. After that, we started walking to Chinatown and SOHO. China town was a really bustling street as well, I managed to find 鸡蛋仔！But it was the lousiest one I have ever eaten SOHO had nothing much, or at least we didn’t have much time to explore much either. It was already about 5pm so we had to make our way to Madison square garden if we wanted to buy merchandise from the SMTown concert.

FINALLY! We arrived at Madison Square Garden. I couldn’t believe I was actually here! I was in the same building as kyuhyun! It was an amazing feeling. Throughout Saturday and Sunday, I was already imagining that I was in the same state as kyuhyun. Haha, when we reached, we saw a huge throng of fans outside the entrance. There was a super LONG line for the merchandise. We started talking to a few random strangers – they were really from all over the world! There was this girl and her mom who flew in from Florida. Her mom’s so cool! She actually said that life’s short and sometimes you gotta do something that is out of the ordinary so she actually accompanied her daughter from florida to new york! WOW right. There was a mad rush for the merchandise, I felt like I was in a market. Haha, but the whole act of doing this is so fun! Buddy and I cut the line and got the merchandise that we want. I bought a changmin and a kyuhyun fan. The Kyuhyun picture was SO dorky! They could have chosen a much better picture, but I was satisfied Then, we went into the stadium. I’ve never seen madison square garden before but I really loved the sight. We waited till 7.30 before the concert actually started. The line-up included: BoA, Kangta, TVXQ, Super Junior, F(x), SNSD, Shinee.

Now comes a really long list of what happened, just to remind myself when I look back on it next time
F(x) started the show. Amber is SO COOL, and it seems that she has the most fans in NY, she got the most cheers out of all the members. After which, Jessica and Krystal did an English duet of the song Tik Tok. I never knew they were sisters until buddy told me! This performance is followed by f(x) again.
Kangta followed with a song that I have no idea about but his vocals are very nice! Shuning thinks it sounds like an OST. Kangta also does a duet with Sully as well. It was so cute, he was sitting on a bench at one end of the stage and sully was on the other end of the stage on another bench. Then onew came running out giving Sully a bag with a microphone.SNSD sang run devil run, kissing you, oh!, genie, hoot and the boys. Shinee sang Juliette, replay, ring ding dong, are you ready or not, and amigo.
SUJU sang sorry sorry answer, some rap by eunhyuk and shindong, bonamana, sorry sorry, mr simple, don’t don.
Key sang yet another duet with BoA. BoA sang some song and then some other English song. F(x) sang 2 songs – Hysteric and hot summer.
Then there was a rap by eunhyuk, shindong, key and minho.
ONEW DID AN OPERA! It was in Spanish if I was not wrong. After which, there was a dance segment – taemin and eunhyuk started dancing off, and then followed by hyoyeon and luna. The Yuri, yoona and soo young joined in (they were super sexy, were showing off their flawless hips). BoA sang hurricane venus and a song that had lyrics like “I need you up/I want your low. BoA’s live performance was so powerful, maybe I will go listen to more of her music.
FINALLY, TVXQ CAME OUT. We’ve been waiting for sooo long! They started off with some song that I’m unsure about, and then sang mirotic (AH). Yunho did a solo and then Changmin joined in. TVXQ – before you go and keep your head down.
F(x) sang danger. When Shinee sang Lucifer, they came up to the center of the stage and had xmen claws, were brought up to the ceiling and had green light coming out of the claws. SNSD sang gee! Then when SUJU sang U, they were wearing black with towels that had a US flag printed on it. THEY THREW THE FLAGS TO THE AUDIENCE AFTER WIPING THEIR FACE! Of course the people in the standing arena got it hahaha
After, DBSK did rising sun and some really cool dance chest thrust thing.

FINALLY, there was the finale I was very sad when it came to an end. It was about 3.5 hours but it felt so short!:( well, good things always come to an end. Kyu came out with Onew. Hyuk and yoona were dancing with each other. Seo and Tiff held on to BoA. Leeteuk had a video cam. Hyuk had angel wings!!!
Kyu always went to the other side of the stage to wave at fans and I was pretty sad about it. But finally, he came over to my side to wave. And then, the moment came. OH MY GOSH. SO I was jumping up and down waving my kyu fan, and then because I’m pretty tall, and a lot of people around me were sitting, I felt like I had his gaze for the moment! He looked straight in my direction, and started waving and jumping as well! I was sooo happy! My idol noticed me! Next time, I’m going to make a signboard with lightsticks that write out his name and make sure he notices me, or a shirt:D hahaha (at that moment I was so stunned and happy) gosh the jubilation, the adrenaline rush.
Leeteuk showed a poster with a heart and a banner and came to wave it at all the fans. Kyuhyun was soooo cute! He hugged donghae and eunhyuk if I’m not wrong and they started jumping up and down!
Hyuk finally removed his pink SMTOWN shirt and threw it to the crowd.

Special Kyu memories

Kyu sang one part of a Korean song whereby he displayed strong vocals and ad-lib. It was amazing. Then when they sang sorry sorry, at the end, everyone was kneeling and only kyu was standing up, he moved his hand across his lip and tried to act sexy. That was hilarious! Haha. Also during one of the suju songs, he attempted to carry donghae or leeteuk (if I’m not wrong), it was so cute and unexpected of him! I really liked his outfit in sorry sorry. White suit. Makes him look very princely. In my heart, he will always be my no. 1 singer:D I’m so happy I got to hear him sing live.

Day 3 Departure from NY (Monday, 24 Oct ’11)

This day was really an adventure for us. So the concert ended at about 10.45pm. We were so high that we couldn’t just go back to the hostel. We went to Macdonald’s instead and talked all about the concert and the bands until about 12 something (that was when I knew that Krystal and Jessica were actual sisters._.). By the time we reached the hostel and washed up, it was already 2 something. And I had to edit my friend’s essay so by time I finished it was 3am. We were supposed to wake up at 4am because our flight was at 6.55. But both of us overslept! We woke up at 5.35am in a daze and rushed to take a taxi to the airport. We managed to make in time, phew!

Now, it’s back to hard work, but I’m prepared and ready to work hard! :D Thank you god for giving me this opportunity!:D

i need to be stronger. i need to be stronger. i need to be stronger.

God, help me be stronger.

i havent posted for some time.
i havent stopped and thought about life for some time.
i havent been happy for some time.

this semester has been a series of disappointments, and unhappiness.

what is happiness? what is true happiness? is there even true happiness? does it stem from chasing what everyone is chasing after? am i doing this because of prestige? recognition? maintaining outsider's impression that i am a capable person? what do i truly want? what do i truly like? who am i? xinyi, xinyi.who am i in front of others? is that really me or my mask?
the lines of my identity, seem to have become more blurry.

questions questions. no answers.

stop thinking of what others think. stop comparing with others. live your own life. live it how god wants you to live it.

i have been focusing too much on myself, on physical desires, on living to show others. pursuing something i'm not really sure i want.and throughout all this, i have left god out of the picture. is that why, god? is that you telling me? is that you talking to me?

this semester,i want to realign myself with god. I want to get to know god better.

Dear Jesus,

Please help me.Please guide me in this walk,guide me out of this darkness i feel. Be my shepherd, lead me out of confusion. Dear Father, I give my all to you. Show me who i truly am and what my purpose is in your kingdom. God, i cry out for your love. I will let you lead me, dear god, i let you lead me. Let me do whatever you want me to do.

Amen.

i really wanna be a "doctor without borders". sometimes i feel like that's the path i wanna take, rather than go through the whole business world thingum. i just wished i could understand and remember biological terms better than i could. i know this path wont be easy but i would feel like it's worth it.

Dear God,

oh Father, please spare me this frustration. My parents spent the time and effort to send me here i wanna do them proud. I pray that you could help me, guide me, be my light, show me how to get out of this. Father, i pray that you would show me what to do, tell me what to do so that i can move on or seek a proper resolution. I know that life has its ups and downs and that's how you made it to be and that's how life is. Father, i pray that you could just help me with this, help me to come to a proper conclusion so that i can move on. Amen.

Just came back from Switz 2 days ago, but i still feel like i'm having jet lag, i feel so tired all the time and sleep from 1am to 1pm in the morning (amazing, i never knew i could sleep so long! the inner-piggishness is being unleashed).Switzerland was a swell, but it was not a smooth-sailing journey though, there were unhappy moments too, like the time we almost lost our luggages and the horrifying attacks of the flies on my food. Shall post pictures up later, to lazy to do so now.

Coming back to Singapore aroused mixed feelings in me, suddenly i wake up in the morning knowing that i dont have to go to work or tour around cities, knowing that i have to start packing up and getting ready for start of school. Who says that it is enjoyable and exciting to go overseas to study? I feel the complete opposite of this. Its like there's a huge tornado of feelings in me waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes i feel so so depressed that I have to leave all my friends, family and everything i hold dear to in singapore, sometimes i dont even wanna do any preparation work and just watch tv to forget about what i have to do(yes, i know its termed "escapism", hate this word, trying very hard to fight it). Whenever i listen to this song:

Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I get very sad. Many "what-ifs" appear in my head. What if, what if, just what if what ws' sister felt was true? That when she came back from her study, she felt that there was a gap between her close friends already? Its like this feeling of insecurity keeps coming up. I hate feelings, I wanna control these feelings (think i sound like some angsty kid right now)

And then there are feelings like, whats gonna happen if the curriculum gets too tough? Esp when i'm in a foreign country, who do i turn to? Yes, i can talk to God. I know. But i just cant help worrying. I wonder why my brother says he doesnt understand why i would feel this way, when its so exciting to study overseas. and there's the question of why study overseas in the first place if i so dont feel like doing it now? Problem is i feel adventurous, but when it actually approaches, i dont feel the adventure anymore. i felt daring, i wanted to experience smtg different. I didnt really bother to think so much then when i was deciding to apply overseas. I know everything will turn out fine, as everyone assures me. I know that. Its just these feelings are bursting out thats all.

and now, it seems everyone is wrapped up in their own "new Uni" activities, NUS, NTU, etc. It seems everyone's so busy and tied up in their own stuffs now. Yes life continues, its a natural part of life. You wont get to spend as much time with your friends from now on, ACCEPT THAT. I just... sigh, sometimes i wish i was part of their lives, preparing for the start of school in nus/ntu. Not preparing for something almost entirely different. Pple going to berkeley seem nice, yeah. But, I just don't really know them yet. Bah, i just hate these feelings.

shld go do up my "to do" list,"to get" list and "to pack" list. if not i will not even have the time to hang out with my friends >< stop procrastinating xinyi!

Everything's happening too fast. Just too fast. I can hardly catch up with the pile of tasks i have to settle, both uni and non-uni. I'll fly off on the day i end work. and i'm so afraid i have not enough time to settle everything before i leave for america. Ah, God help me! I really want to enjoy the switz trip and relax all i can before i start studying again. that being said, tmr's the last day of work. FINALLY! Colleagues have been really really nice with me, joking with me, including me in their lunches. i'd be sad to go, but i'd be really happy to stop working once and for all. YESSSS.... FREEDOM HERE I COME!