Just came back from Switz 2 days ago, but i still feel like i'm having jet lag, i feel so tired all the time and sleep from 1am to 1pm in the morning (amazing, i never knew i could sleep so long! the inner-piggishness is being unleashed).Switzerland was a swell, but it was not a smooth-sailing journey though, there were unhappy moments too, like the time we almost lost our luggages and the horrifying attacks of the flies on my food. Shall post pictures up later, to lazy to do so now.

Coming back to Singapore aroused mixed feelings in me, suddenly i wake up in the morning knowing that i dont have to go to work or tour around cities, knowing that i have to start packing up and getting ready for start of school. Who says that it is enjoyable and exciting to go overseas to study? I feel the complete opposite of this. Its like there's a huge tornado of feelings in me waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes i feel so so depressed that I have to leave all my friends, family and everything i hold dear to in singapore, sometimes i dont even wanna do any preparation work and just watch tv to forget about what i have to do(yes, i know its termed "escapism", hate this word, trying very hard to fight it). Whenever i listen to this song:

Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I get very sad. Many "what-ifs" appear in my head. What if, what if, just what if what ws' sister felt was true? That when she came back from her study, she felt that there was a gap between her close friends already? Its like this feeling of insecurity keeps coming up. I hate feelings, I wanna control these feelings (think i sound like some angsty kid right now)

And then there are feelings like, whats gonna happen if the curriculum gets too tough? Esp when i'm in a foreign country, who do i turn to? Yes, i can talk to God. I know. But i just cant help worrying. I wonder why my brother says he doesnt understand why i would feel this way, when its so exciting to study overseas. and there's the question of why study overseas in the first place if i so dont feel like doing it now? Problem is i feel adventurous, but when it actually approaches, i dont feel the adventure anymore. i felt daring, i wanted to experience smtg different. I didnt really bother to think so much then when i was deciding to apply overseas. I know everything will turn out fine, as everyone assures me. I know that. Its just these feelings are bursting out thats all.

and now, it seems everyone is wrapped up in their own "new Uni" activities, NUS, NTU, etc. It seems everyone's so busy and tied up in their own stuffs now. Yes life continues, its a natural part of life. You wont get to spend as much time with your friends from now on, ACCEPT THAT. I just... sigh, sometimes i wish i was part of their lives, preparing for the start of school in nus/ntu. Not preparing for something almost entirely different. Pple going to berkeley seem nice, yeah. But, I just don't really know them yet. Bah, i just hate these feelings.

shld go do up my "to do" list,"to get" list and "to pack" list. if not i will not even have the time to hang out with my friends >< stop procrastinating xinyi!

Everything's happening too fast. Just too fast. I can hardly catch up with the pile of tasks i have to settle, both uni and non-uni. I'll fly off on the day i end work. and i'm so afraid i have not enough time to settle everything before i leave for america. Ah, God help me! I really want to enjoy the switz trip and relax all i can before i start studying again. that being said, tmr's the last day of work. FINALLY! Colleagues have been really really nice with me, joking with me, including me in their lunches. i'd be sad to go, but i'd be really happy to stop working once and for all. YESSSS.... FREEDOM HERE I COME!